Dynamic Duo

I've wanted to post this one for a while. There's always an encyclopedia of excuses, so I'll spare those and just move on.


A few weeks ago, me and Wife took our baby Kicker to his first NBA game. We got free tickets for some good seats. The baby is no extra cost as long as he can sit on our lap (he better get used to it too, he'll be sitting on my lap as a 17 year old as long as he's free to games). This outing was going to prove more difficult than other public ventures we've tried. This time, we couldn't take a stroller or car seat. He could only be carried.


We parked far from the stadium where the rates were lower (can you tell I'm cheap yet?). It's a long haul to the arena. I volunteered to carry the kid the whole time while my wife was in charge of the diaper bag. Not that she's insufficient, but I felt more secure navigating him through the downtown crowds.


As we entered the Q (Cavs arena), things got tricky. I had to get my card swiped for our tickets to print out, then grab an information guide, and weave through a crowded team shop. It's difficult enough to do that with keys in your hand let alone a baby. 


There's a strategy to maneuvering through the crowded corridors of arenas. You can either go with the flow, or you can make the flow. We dictate the flow of the crowd in this family. But it requires one person in front blazing a trail, while the others follow close behind in a single file line. Since it was only the three of us - and one was being carried - this wasn't too difficult a task. 


I stepped in front to blaze the trail while Wife secured the back of the line. She remained about 3 paces behind me as we spanned half of the oval hall of the arena. As we were hustling to our seats, I couldn't help but notice all the looks our awake, and very alert baby boy was getting. Many of the Cleveland ladies found him to be worth slowing down for and admiring as he passed. He even evoked a lot of "awwwww" noises as well. 


What can I say, this 4 month old is a stud. 


The game was fun. And the baby managed to stay awake for most of it. The Cavs lost, but there's always next year right?


On the walk out of the arena, much of the same female attention took place. A lot of lingering looks and smiles to the little guy. My concern remained on navigating my family through the flow.


The quite ride home got interrupted by a comment from my wife:
Her -"Did you notice all those girls looking at him tonight?"
Me -"Yeah, he's quite the attention grabber."
Her -"Anything else you notice?"
Let me translate that question for you: I'm thinking of something you're supposed to say, so you better come forth and say it. I respond with the only thing I can think of.
Me -"Looks like the Cavs are in position to get another high draft pick this year."
Of course that's not it, but I'm not into these games.
Her -"Did you see how those girls were looking at you too?"
I'll be honest, I've forgotten what it was to be checked out by the ladies. That sense of  awareness died years ago when we were dating. But I couldn't waste this opportunity...
Me -"Ohh now that you mention it, yes I do."
Her - "Every single time...they look at him, then they looked at you like 'Oh look at this guy with the cute baby.' I tried catching up to you guys but you were going too fast. I was way behind you guys so they didn't see me with you, so they were like, checkin you out."


Maybe that was part of the plan.


In all realness here, is anyone surprised? I mean, you got the most handsome 4 month old on the planet working his stuff. He's being carried by his dad who has what Men's Health calls the "slight scruff" facial hair which is the style most desired by women (http://blogs.menshealth.com/style-news/fashion-for-your-face/2012/04/05/). Deadly combination. A true unstoppable force.


Looks like I've found my new partner in crime. We'll let momma stay at home and relax; catch up on some sleep while we go out and run errands. Maybe me and the kid will hit up the local restaurant scene or explore the parks. 

That's Not Us

Of course you've thought it. I have. We all have. No, I'm not talking about wondering if it's possible to jump from the roof with a garbage bag and float down. I'm talking about when you're in a public place and a noisy baby ruins your whatever-you-were-doing experience. You immediately thought, 'Come on. This is no place for a baby. Please get out.'


My wife read the Hunger Games books and was excited when we got a movie gift certificate for Easter. In less than 24 hours, we were on our way to the movie theater to see the $300 million sensation. I thought this was a bit unfair. The last 4 movies we've seen at the theater were all her choices. Most recently topped off with The Vow. I don't think I've had the privilege of picking a movie since we checked out 'Notorious' from the library. 


Wife decided to take the baby with us. I didn't like this idea at all. Mostly for the reason mentioned in the first paragraph. I didn't want people thinking 'Why would you bring a baby into a movie?' Like most cases, she wasn't changing her mind.  


What's one thing everyone does before going to the movies? You stock your pockets with snacks. (Don't act like you haven't. The only movie theaters this is detrimental to is drive in theaters. They show that scary video about them shutting down if you don't buy snack there.) I packed 3 organic carrots and a Malley's Pretzel Chocolate bar. They didn't fit in my pockets - so I put them in the baby carrier. After hauling that thing around for months it's finally starting to pay dividends. 


As usual, I finished all my snacks before the end of the third preview. I was very nervous of the Kicker having an outburst. He doesn't know you have to be quiet in a theater. He knows only one thing: "I need something, make noise." I was on edge the whole time. This was the only time I've ever been to a theater hoping there would be someone obnoxious there. Anyone to take away the attention away from our inevitable baby outburst.


No sooner did Katniss volunteer in her sisters place did Kicker fall asleep. He made it through the whole movie without waking up. Not one sound. All this worrying about if he would be fussy and distract viewers for naught. 


Matt, Wife, and Kicker: coming to a theater near you.