Still Waiting

"You can't stay pregnant forever." 

Yes, these obvious words of hope were given to my anxiously waiting wife by hospital staff as she lay belly-up on a table during the doctor appointment this morning. While Wife expressed her displeasure at the waiting game, the STNA could only provide an eternal reference to help calm her nerves. I suppose it's not fair to be so sarcastic about the STNA's advice. She sees women everyday who just want to deliver the babies they've been carrying for months. 

Wife has been pregnant for 39+ weeks. We are days away from the due date. She is ready to deliver...now. Have you ever waited for the ice cream truck as a kid? The truck blares loud and repetitive music to announce is coming to a street near you. Kids can detect this music well. But sometimes the anticipation of the ice cream truck fogs a child's ability to hear the actual truck itself. A kid may be sitting in the basement watching a movie and hear the microwave go off upstairs. But the anxiety of waiting will tell the child "No, it's definitely the truck. Let's go!" Up comes the child - dollar in hand - out the front door; he/she arrives at the end of the driveway to a desolate street. 

Anticipating a baby delivery is similar to waiting for the ice cream truck. 

Suddenly, everything that Wife does becomes a symptom that indicates labor is only hours away. Every sneeze or muscle twitch is Googled and shown to be a symptom of approaching labor. I foolishly called her out and said, "You're not even to your due date yet. Give it a rest." Without hesitation, Wife shot back "Then YOU try carrying around a baby for 40 weeks and we'll see who starts talking."

I now stay silent; and even supportive in her anticipation of this delivery. As the due date approached, she has tried some interesting ways to begin induction:

A couple pulled us aside to inform us that Chipolte works. They said to just grab a burrito and within the day, we'll be rushing to the hospital. It worked for them, and another couple they knew. I won't pass on an excuse to consume a burrito made with ingredients that aren't injected with any hormones or antibiotics, and support family farmers that care for the land. Yum. We tried this last week. It didn't work. But I did finish my burrito, then started eating hers. She may have only made it a quarter of the way through her meal. 

Wife read that walking and exercise works every time. Since that time she's climbed more flights of stairs than a firefighter in training school. And she walks almost every day. As the temperature drops, she only increases her milage. Despite her efforts, no luck.

Just when we thought all hope was lost, December 10th showed promise. The calendar showed that there would be a full moon that night. This is the kind of break we've been anticipating. Her hospital experience says that crazy stuff - including many pregnancies - occur on nights of the full moon. As the sun went down that night, Wife came to life. She became excited. She asked questions like, "Do you think it would help if I would face the moon?" And, "Should we drive down to a beach?" We are 9 hours away from a body of water that experiences any tidal influence. This girl's gonna lose her mind. 

My biggest fears about this full moon madness were overshadowing the possibility of her going into labor. While Wife stayed occupied with trying to get induced, I feared she would pull a Michael Jackson in Thriller and start to transform into a werewolf. "No way" I thought. That's ridiculous. But her behavior still concerned me. 

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night. And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike. You know it's thriller, thriller night. You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller night. 

When we saw the doctor this morning, she tried yet another technique. Sweeping the membranes. I'll spare you the details. As it stands, we're still waiting on whether or not the sweeping process worked or not. 

None of these baby inducing tactics may work. They could all be done in vain. We - especially she - can be waiting in angst for a long time still. Good news though: you can't stay pregnant forever. At least we have that going for us.