The Playlist: Track 2 "Three Little Birds"

Gosh, it's Monday. Today is the beginning of the workweek. Nothing good happens on Mon...wait. I almost forgot, it's Playlist Monday! This is the best part of the week next to Friday @ 5! 


Playlist Monday - while fun and enjoyable to the listener - will hopefully carry much meaning in the development and growth of Baby Whiz (and future ones). Songs featured on this list contain an important key or truth that Dad feels will help Baby Whiz through life's many stages. Keep that in mind as you are jammin'. 


Speaking of jammin', this week's featured artist and song come from the great country of Jamaica. In North America, Jamaica is known for two things: 1. Cool Running's - the best movie ever made about bobsledding ("Cold? I'm freezin my Rastafarian nay-nay's off!). And 2. Bob Marley - the typical American's only reference with Reggae music. 


Playlist Monday Track #2: Three Little Birds by Bob Marley


(feel free to listen to the music while reading the explanation)

Three Little Birds can only be understood in the context of a baseline mind frame. It commands the listener to be taken away by the easy beat and comfortable lyrics. While many listeners may be outraged by the association of the song to the artist's drug use, I believe that approach is a disservice to the simple message behind the song. 

The song begins with a wake up routine. As you may have read in post's-past (see Funny Joke Girl, You Should Tell It Again), I'm not much for waking up in a clear frame of mind. On the other side of the spectrum, Bob Marley is quick to guide his mind in the right direction at first call. He chooses to begin his day optimistic, open-minded, and stress free. There are only one-billion things to do everyday, Bob Marley chooses to smile at the rising sun, not curse it. That slight attitude adjustment may just be the trick to having a better day. 


The chorus of the song resonates as an anthem waving proudly above the heads of laid-back people worldwide. "Don't worry...every little thing is gonna be alright." Everything will be alright, if you put your trust in the right place, and work hard to be the person you want to be. Everything won't be o.k. if we choose to slack off and leave our potential void. I recently read an article in Men's Health about the top 10 areas of the world where the residential population lives the longest. One of the correlating factors that linked each area together was a stress-free environment. 


This is the message for Baby Whiz: Start your days with the right attitude. Don't ever let your problems become bigger than you are. And when in doubt - as long as you have worked for the right reason as hard as you can - don't worry about a thing, 'cuz every little thing is gonna be alright. 

Swing Sets to Diapers

Remember those old aluminum swing sets that everyone had in their back yard? The swing set consisted of a metal slide, then two single swings, a two-person swing, and a random monkey bar held up by chains. These swing sets were obviously built for safety; they were practically a metal lightning rod stuck in the middle of a flat backyard. Storms rolling in from seventy miles away were eyeing up these jungle gyms filled with happy-go-lucky children. After the rain passed, they would insta-rust. The whole set was held together by four slowly decaying bolts. 

My cousin David had one of those sets in his back yard when we were kids. I remember playing on it every time we went over his house. We would go really high on the swings to where the back legs of the whole set  (which were probably supposed to be anchored into the dirt) would lift about eight inches off the ground. We called those "cherry-bumps". After dislodging the set from the earth, we moved on to jumping off the swing for distance. We alternated swinging on the swings to see who could heave themselves the farthest from the set. 

As unsafe as it was, playing on that swing set was a blast for two six year old's. The adventures on that backyard set are also the earliest memories I have of me and David hanging out together. 

Flash forward 20 years.

Me and David are hanging out together again. This time each of us has a wife and he has newborn twins - one boy, one girl - and we're all in a hospital room celebrating the new births. Wait a sec, what happened? I was just trying to beat your last jump off the swing and now you're changing the diaper of a baby that's 48 hours old. YOUR baby that's 48 hours old! 

This sounds like something out of a Kenny Chesney song. One minute we're playing in the back yard at six years old, then the next there's baby twins and an exhausted wife. I recall watching David change his son's diaper and thinking, where did you learn to do that? It was a flawless change too. Diaper off, wipe, clean, new diaper, done. The old diaper was even folded perfectly in that weird football-looking shape. 

This is a whole new stage for us. No more aluminum swing sets to play on, just plastic and wooden ones to build. Don't blink.

 

The Playlist: Track 1 "Simple Man"

Every Monday is Playlist Monday!*


A few weeks ago we found out that Baby Whiz can hear inside the belly. This is great news. Why not start the baby early on developing a taste for good music - Lynyrd Skynyrd, CCR, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pearl Jam, Kenny Chesney, 311, and perhaps Metallica. 


There is no definitive study about the effect of music on a baby inside the mother's womb. Although, the baby did start rolling around when "Thriller" was going on during the Legends tribute to Michael Jackson. Who can resist dancing to that? That's evidence enough for me. 


In response to these findings, I've decided to make a playlist of songs for Baby Whiz (and any future baby Whiz's) that I believe are important for my soon-to-be-son to have with him for the rest of his life.** These are songs that have significant meaning one way or another. Songs that the little guy can always learn and draw life truth from. 




Playlist Monday Track 1: Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd   


(feel free to play the video as you explore the explanation)

This song is a no-doubter. If I were making a kickball team, I would pick this song first. If I needed a song to bat in the bottom of the 9th with the bases loaded and two outs and down by three runs, I would pick this one. 


I recall hearing this song in high school and thinking, 'This is going to be the song I want my future child to hear someday.' Here's why:

• Simple Man sums itself up perfectly in the title. 
• It's lyrically deep in meaning, but concise at the same time. 
• The music itself is soothing and ushers the listener into enjoying the duration of the song.

Wife already let me play this on my iPod while putting the ear buds up to her belly. 

Simple Man analyzed:

The song is a mother's plea to her son to remember a short set of honest truths about life. I'm not a mother, and even if we were having a daughter, I'd dedicate this song to her. So it works in a variety of dimensions. 

"take your time...don't live to fast"

"troubles will come, and they will pass"

"you'll find love"

"don't forget...there is someone up above"

These are all random pickings of life found through experience. It's as though the speaker is trying to search his/her brain for some nuggets of knowledge and pass them along. 

"forget your lust for the rich man's gold, all that you need is in your soul" (definitely!)

"don't you worry, you'll find yourself. follow your heart, and nothing else" (great stuff!)

And the best part is the chorus: "Be a simple kind of man, or be something you love and understand." If my kid(s) can get this, I'll be a lucky dad. 

It's not easy to understand and apply these timeless truths at this day in age. I worry about what kind of sociological environment my children will grow up in years down the road. Things aren't as simple as they used to be; which will make it all the more difficult for Baby Whiz to grow up a Simple Man. But, hopefully the lyrics of this song will help out in that journey. 

One can only hope. 

* We will add one song every Monday evening to the playlist. So be sure to drop by every Monday to see what song makes the list.

**Wife is not in any way involved with the creation of this playlist. Based on her taste in music compared to mine, we would never be able to assemble a playlist of any sort. 

Applications Not Accepted

Being a father is an interesting job. But it's not like other jobs in the work world. There's no application for fatherhood (at least I don't remember filling one out). There's no boss looking over your shoulder (maybe the wife counts as one). And a father doesn't only work 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. Dads are always on the job.

My wife and I were recently on vacation in New Jersey. On one particular day we were enjoying the beach. Just as we were in a groove of beaching, grey skies rolled in and it began to rain. We quickly packed up our umbrella and two chairs and started back toward the hotel. As the rain fell heavier, my fast pace walk became a brisk jog. On the way from the beach to the Boardwalk, I bolted past my future. Let me explain.

Everyone was trying to get off the beach. While running up, I passed a variety of people. But I saw one guy struggling as he was attempting to scamper to shelter. He was carrying (not rolling) a stroller, diaper bag, cooler, toys, and various chairs all at once. I felt bad for him. Not long ago, I bet he was carrying only two chairs and an umbrella like I was. Then he became a dad and can barely walk as he's hauling half of his family's worldly possessions between two arms.

Take a good look, that's the future.

I'll bet that guy used to do a lot of stuff before he became a dad. Maybe he was in to music and played a bunch of local gigs in front of a packed bar. He could have been into running marathons always trying to break his PR. It's possible he could have met up with his buddies every Tuesday and Thursday for a sand volleyball league and won some kind of trophy. Hey may have even gone out on the weekends and had a good night on the town.

Whatever it was, his life changed significantly when he became a dad. He traded his own trophies for his kids' Little League trophies. Weekend partying for birthday partying. Running marathons for running errands. Playing music in front of hundreds for telling night time stories to an audience of one or two.

There is no application for this job. But there are expectations. There is a commitment. And there is a lot of hard work involved. Soon enough, I'll be carrying a stroller, diaper bag, toys, chairs, and a cooler across rain soaked sand. No more falling asleep on the beach, or getting to the gym all the time, or watching my favorite shows.

That shows how great the job of being a dad is. Dads that were, dads that are, and dads that will be; they decide that family is more important than themselves. And it's worth carrying all that stuff across the sand in the rain.

There Was The Moment For Me, Then The Moment For Her

After finding out about the pregnancy, the process that follows is a lot like floating down a lazy river.

Lazy River's are my favorite attractions at any water park. There's never a line to get in the river. It's an opportunity to grab a tube and float down a water loop of tranquility and catch up on some rest. Grab your boo and hold hands as the river jets send you both bouncing off rocky walls and through the fun water ways. But, as any lazy river fanatic knows that's never how it works. There's always wacky kids trying to get around the lazy river as fast as they can, completely defeating the purpose of a LAZY river. They nearly tip over other floaters and create too many unnecessary waves. Lifeguards blow the whistles constantly, ruining the peaceful atmosphere. And the trickling water from above bridges and rocks are more like waterfalls of doom.

Here's where the analogy of the lazy river and post-finding-out-pregnancy process relates...(as always, thoughts in italics)

After the wife and I discover the wonderful news of the pregnancy we grab a two-person tube and step into the shallow waters of the lazy river of pregnancy. It's a bit chilly at first, but it doesn't take long to get used to. We sit down on the tube and let the flow of the river wash us toward our 9 month destination. As we grab hands on the tube we look at each other and think, Hmmm, this isn't so bad. We can do this! The flow of the river is steady and light. It's not too fast, and not too slow. Then from out of nowhere, a rowdy group of splashing kids comes by. Look out! Splish-splash! "Is it a boy or girl?" It's been two weeks since we found out we were pregnant. Let's go step by step here.  "Are you gonna find out?" Yes, but you'll be the last to know. "If it's a girl what's the name?" Ira Fuse "What about a boy?" Seymour Butts "You should name it Eduardo!" Do we look Colombian? It's not so much the asking about the gender and name as it is the obtuse suggestions. Eduardo? Really?The splashing children will make their presence known here and there throughout the lazy river of pregnancy.

Just as we get used to the easy going pace of the river, the first ultrasound comes along at 12 weeks. At this point, we realized we have been floating for a good while now. The whole first trimester is over. We've hit the water jets in the river and picked up some speed. With the speed comes a lot of spinning around in the tube. That dizzying feeling is mirrored in the feelings felt after the first couple doctor visits. Eat this, don't eat that. Exercise, but not too vigorously. Take vitamins, walk frequently. Etc......It's a wild ride.

Finally, on any good lazy river there are waterfalls! Everyone tries to do the same thing to avoid these waterfalls too. They'll kick off the wall with their feet, or paddle frantically with their fingers (b/c there's no physical way to get any leverage when your rump sinks and wedges into the impossibly tight tube locking your arms and legs in place). But, the waterfalls plunge off the top of bridges directly onto the middle of the river, or they careen from the side walls along the river. The waterfalls are unavoidable. These waterfalls are a huge part of the pregnancy river too. The fact that they're powerful, unavoidable, and completely dousing make them a perfect analogy.

Waterfalls are the realization that you - yes you - are going to be a father. I enjoy doing things with Wife, or by myself when she's not around.  My life is spent running, working out, swimming, hiking, building fires, working hard, fixing my car, going to the lake, reading, going out the the funnest places around town, and doing about a million more things. Now, I realized that I can't just think about me, or me and Wife. We have to welcome a third party.  Back when me and Wife were dating, I began to realize how selfless the act of love was. Life became less about me, and more about us. Being on this lazy river of pregnancy together, we're about to hit some waterfalls of truth.

My first waterfall on this river came after the first ultrasound (about 13 weeks).  As I saw the images of a child in my wife's uterus, it sank in to my brain that this is real. I am that child's father. I didn't think I could pull it off. Other men can, not me though. A while after the ultrasound I told my wife what I was thinking.  I told her that I still like playing in tree forts, romping through the woods, exploring outside, building things with legos, and playing whiffle ball. "How can a child raise a child!?!" I exclaimed. In her infinite wisdom, my wife's rebuttal was on the money. "Well," she began. "If you still like to do those things, I guess our son is going to be pretty lucky to have you as a dad."

My wife got soaked by a waterfall on the lazy river of pregnancy also. Her body has slowly morphed from usual-her, to this round-bellied version of her. We spent a week on vacation at the Jersey Shore during her 19th week. There weren't any full-length mirrors at our rental house there. She went about 8 days without seeing her full image. Upon our return home, she was shocked. She had the opportunity to see her full figure in our mirror here at home. The realization that her body was physically changing was a lot to digest. She's used to looking in a mirror and seeing usual-her. The petite little figure she is. But staring into a mirror at 20 weeks of pregnancy, a lot changed. And it didn't seem like the real her was being reflected back. I wish I had something wonderfully comforting to say after she told me about crying after looking in the mirror. But she's doing great now regardless. We get to see and feel kicks from her growing belly. And I think she looks better than ever.

I was drenched from the reality of that first waterfall. It overwhelmed me quite a bit. But we got through it. Her waterfall hit hard to. But it wasn't enough to knock either one of us out of the river. The neat part about our trip down the lazy river is that we still sit in the same two-person tube together. That's the best way to travel down the river...together. I wouldn't want to float down this river alone, and I know she's the same way. And we've held hands the whole time. We're over half way around the lazy river of pregnancy at this point. There will be more splashing kids, fast currents, spinning, and big waterfalls too. But it's way more manageable if we're holding hands.

Something Happened And I Can't Explain It

Here's the point at which I realized the pregnancy was affecting me against my will: I'm walking down the Boardwalk in Seaside Heights, NJ wanting to fight every guy we walk past, singing Metallica in my head, and thinking about my next workout. This is NOT the usual me. After a few nights of observing similar behavior, I knew something was up.

It's clear that pregnant women experience a variety of changes during pregnancy (emotions, physical, mental fatigue, etc.). And I firmly believe that it is important for the man to be available for the woman in each of the previously described facets of change. For example, if Girl is riding an emotional roller coaster b/c of surging hormones, Boy needs to be understanding and patient and willing to be emotionally available for what girl may need...I think.

My two books - The Expectant Father and Dude, You're Gonna Be A Dad! - have done a swell job at prepping me for these changing times. I'm comfortable knowing how to respond to any pregnancy situation that may arise with Wife.


But what about a pregnancy situation that arrives with me?


Let's get back to ol' Metal-head from before. I think I'm typically a mild-mannered guy. I take a very laid-back but confident approach to life, and will only turn aggressive if threatened or if Wife is disrespected. But what's been happening the past two months is unreal.

The symptoms of rage-man began in June - about two months after we found out about the pregnancy - when I decided to trade in my running workouts for weights. Summer is usually when I get back into running. Weather is great, trails are ready, and the playlists are set. But rage-man decided that this will be a summer to strength gain, and try new sandbag workouts. And so it began. Rage-man took off in a different direction than old-me would have.

Not long after the strength training took off, rage-man decided to increase his capacity for craziness. Old-me would typically go for some good country or old-school Hip-Hop to set the tone for summer. Rage-man had different plans. The pace setting strums of Country were quickly replaced by the fast and furious storm of Metallica. I immediately put four Metallica albums on my iTunes with more on the way. The CD player in my car plays only Metallica. And rage-me enjoys every second of it. Heavy workouts, constant Metallica...maybe this will fade.

With big workouts 5 days a week and Metallica on shuffle, rage-me decided to add one more piece to the puzzle of horror: fighting. I got into a fight in 5th grade once. A dude was taunting me during recess basketball. After I got my shot blocked, I walked over to him and proceeded to throw a fury of punches at him. The noon aide broke it up and sent me to the office. That was the only fight I ever started. Thankfully rage-me hasn't gotten in any fights recently. But he's sure been looking. While me and my wife were in Seaside Heights, NJ for a family vacation, I knew something was wrong. Rage-me wanted to fight every guy we walked past. At one point, I was attempting to get my wife's younger brothers (not 21) into a restaurant. We were told by the hostess that they were not permitted. I politely asked for her to get the manager. She proceeded to return with a 6'4'' bald guy with a Fu Manchu and tats all up his arms. Good job bringing over the "manager." No matter, rage-me thought he could take the tatted "manager" no problem. Thankfully, old-me intervened and we left.

This is how life has been for the past two months. Continuous cycles of big workouts, hard metal, and wanting to fight anything with a pulse. This deemed research.

Google - "guy testosterone levels during pregnancy" - USA Today article. Here's what we find.

A direct line, "level's of the stress hormone called "cortisol" - the same ancient chemical that instructs men to fight or take flight - tend to spike about four to six weeks after men learn they're going to be fathers..."


That explains quite a bit. And I thought someone was giving me testosterone shots in my sleep. The article suggests to learn more about raising a child, and find out how to handle delivery day. Doing so should help soon-to-be fathers cope with this hormonal change.

That's the stupidest advice I've ever heard. Somebody should knock his lights out.

Pregnant Brain is Real, I've Seen It

My wife serves as an important extension of my brain. Not only does she keep track of everything she has to do everyday, she also keeps track of mine. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed. As a matter of fact, if you opened the shed right now, you'd see a variety of items. A shiny new lawnmower (not me), maybe a fantastic spade shovel (still not me), or a splendid ax used for chopping wood (strike three). Nope, I would be the rusted, three-pronged hand cultivator that everyone has but no one uses. My memory is about that useful.

This seems like a good time to share this gem of a story. Before the two of us head out one night, it's time to grab the Big Four (phone, wallet, keys, knife). Knife...check. Keys...check. Phone...check. Wallet...where the heck is it? We start the search. She asks the typical, "Where did you have it last?" If I knew the answer to that, we wouldn't be looking. "Not sure," I respond. We look everywhere you're supposed to for a wallet - tables, drawers, bags, counters, etc. It's nowhere. A solid ten minutes pass when I hear from afar, "Found it!" I turn the corner to see my wife pulling the wallet out of the freezer. Obviously, the second most popular place where lost wallets are found.

The good news is, I've become accustomed to this memory-less lifestyle. I'm used to running into the kitchen to tell my wife great news, only to completely forget what I was going to say. You may even find me retracing my steps to the original point of thought inspiration so I can look for whatever environmental triggers worked the first time. Needless to say, a sharp memory is not my gift. And we all have to adapt to our own world.

My wife has used her great memory on many occasions to save me. "Remember you have to call the doctor," she'd say. Or, "You left your swim trunks on the patio." These simple yet direct statements have given my brain such sweet relief over the past years, I don't know how to effectively thank her. My past is loaded with so many holes, unknowns, and rabbit trails to nowhere, that it's a sweet victory when I can finish whatever business I originally started without forgetting.

Marriage made life easier in this sense. My wife has been there to pick up my memory slack.

Then, it hit.

Only a couple months into the pregnancy, we collectively diagnosed my wife with pregnant brain. It's easy to see the frustration all through her. It starts with her asking in a demanding tone, "Where did I put the hospital bills!?" Like I'm gonna know where the hospital bills are. Check the freezer. She proceeds to look for whatever is lost in calm manner that quickly accelerates until she gives up and collapses on the couch. "Where did they go?" she whimpers.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD!! 


Of course I don't say that. I only think that. For a while during the first signs of pregnant brain I was excited that she now has the chance to view the world from the same memory loss window as I do everyday. 


Now I've realized that it only makes two people who have no idea where the keys are instead of one.

Funny Joke Girl...You Should Tell It Again

With wife working nights and me working days, our schedules overlap at odd hours. On this particular day, she was arriving home early in the morning just as I was crawling out of bed.

I'm very vulnerable in the morning. As my body wakes up, my brain remains tucked snugly under the covers resting on the pillow. Wife saw this as an opportune time to break me some big news. As I made my way down the hallway in my undergarments, my eyes still sealed shut, she began...(my thoughts in italics)

"Ummm, you know how I haven't been feeling good lately? Well, I took some pregnancy tests at work, just to be sure." 

Brain, you may want to get out of bed for this one. Hurry up now, she's still talking...

"It said I was pregnant."

I've seen this scene play out in movies before...

"Then, just to make sure, I took two more. And THEY were all positive too."

React to this news please. Make the reaction exciting enough so she doesn't feel scared or think you don't care.

I respond, "Wow, are you serious? How do you feel?" 

Good job! Slight surprising disbelief, and you also checked up on her feelings! I've learned so much from my past mistakes and am now applying it!

"Yeah," she says, "I wasn't sure at first, which is why I took a couple more to make sure. What do you think?"

Here's what I think: Can we afford this? We have some money saved up, and can supplement that by taking out an additional 10% from my paychecks. She has to complete school still. If she can have the baby during a school break, she won't have to miss classes at all and can still graduate one year from now. We're also gonna need a bigger apartment. We can either look in the building we're presently at or go somewhere else. I have a flexible schedule at work. That way I can watch the baby while she's at school and she can watch the baby while I go into work later. Let's do this.


Here's what I say: "That's awesome!"

She hit's me with this line, "What is today?"

Not knowing what that has to do with anything I tell her, "Friday, April 1st. Why?"

She smiles and asks, "Does that day mean anything to you?"

I search my brain. April 1st is significant...Oh yeah! Of course! I can't believe I almost forgot. 


"It's Opening Day!" I proudly respond. "We're going to the Indians' Home Opener!" We've had these tickets since December.

Still smiling she says, "Yeah, and what else?"

Oh, now I get it. "This is a joke isn't it?" I ask. "It's April Fools Day." She's a funny one that wife. She sure knows how to greet a guy 45 seconds after he wakes up.


Fast forward 19 days.


I'm at the office when I get a text from my wife that reads, "CALL ME." All caps, this must be important.

Hoping that we've just won some large sum of money that will pay off our school debt, I dial her cell. "What's up girl?"

I hear her breathing fast, nearly hyperventilating, and almost in tears. "I just took a pregnancy test," she says. "It was positive!"