Practice

We parked on the 5th floor of a 9 floor parking garage. This was only one of many parking garages in the area. There are numerous buildings, courtyards, and streets running through. We scaled stairs, elevators, corridors, and crossed roads. No, we weren't navigating our way through the city. Wife and I were just trying to find our way through the hospital at which the Kicker would be delivered. This hospital can be easily confused with a large metropolis. They are similar in size, population, and zip codes. But we were here for a reason - "The Prenatal Hospital Tour."


The Prenatal Hospital Tour offers soon-to-be parents an opportunity to get familiar with what to expect on Labor Day. It's a chance to get a feel for what it will be like for go-time. A sort of "practice" if you will. I'm thinking, I'm sitting here as a franchise dad and we talkin' about practice. Not the birth, not the birth, not the birth...practice. How am I supposed to make the birth better by practice? I know it's important, I honestly do. But we're talkin' about practice. 

Together we walked down a hallway and were quickly ushered into the room where we would all meet. I expected there to be about 5 other couples coming out to this thing on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Turns out half of Cleveland and it's surrounding communities are all having babies at this hospital in the next three months. 


The room reminded me of college. It had a big screen in front, projector, a podium, and stadium seating with those little half-desks that swing up from the side of the seat. But we did get a chance to have some food and water before we sat down - college never had that in class. I finished eating my plate of food before Wife did. This is nothing new. Then I got thirsty and reached for her water bottle. 


Wife: Hey! What are you doing, go up and get your own water bottle.
Me: I'm only going to have a couple sips; and you know you NEVER finish anything. So there will be plenty to spare.
(silence)
Wife: Fine. Just leave enough for me.


This particular water bottle was one with a nozzle on top. It reminded me of the ones we used in High School during sports. So I drank out of it.............like I was in High School playing sports. I held the water bottle about 6 inches away and squirted it. Kind of like you see football players do on the sidelines. This did not sit well with Wife.......


Wife: What are you DOING?
Me: Taking a few sips. Relax.
Wife: Can't you just drink like a normal human being?


Still waiting for the presentation to start.


Me: I need a pen to take notes.
Wife: Let me see if I have one. 
(shuffles though purse)
Wife: Sorry, I don't have a pen.
Me: Your purse can hold 8 NBA size basketballs. You could pack for a world tour in there and you don't have a pen?


This is how we set the tone for the afternoon.


My mind always wanders in settings like this. I saw a very aged man in the hallway walking past this room full of pregnant ladies and their partners. He slowed down almost as if he was going to join in on the class. I was thinking Pleeeeease be on your way into our room! How cool would it be if that fella and his wife were pregnant? Unfortunately, he carried on his merry way. Too bad, I had a name picked out for him and everything.......Abraham. 


I also recall the nurse that was making the presentation. She had the biggest hands I've ever seen. Like something out of a Tim Burton movie. I spent about 9 minutes trying to figure out how it would feel to be punched in the face by her. This is my world. 


My imagination was quickly jolted out of auto-pilot by a statement that caught my attention. Big fist lady said "Newborns will need to be changed about 10-12 times a day for a while." Funny. I had to check if she was lying.


Me: Is that true? 10-12 times?
Wife: Yeah, you have to keep on top of that.
Me: That's like...once every 2 hours. 
Wife: Great math.
Me: Can we start potty training now?


Big Fists also began to talk about the time right after birth when Kangaroo Care begins. That's when the baby is placed on the mother's belly and there's some kind of Kangaroo connection that forms. I don't know, I only caught parts of it. But for the first hour after birth, the lady said this is when the baby will be most alert and receptive to the new world. It's the perfect opportunity to give the Kicker his first glove and ball. 


The lecture carried on. Just as I began to nod off, Big Fists exclaimed, "Ok everybody, at this time we're going to take a guided tour of all the areas in the hospital you will be on delivery day." 


She showed us how to check in. Wheelchairs. The delivery floor. LDR (labor delivery recovery) rooms. The nursery. Other rooms. Policies. Peoples. It was a very beneficial tour. Now it was time to leave. 


On our way back to the car, Wife said, "The next time we're here, we'll be having a baby!" Immediate loss of blood in my head ensued. I began to breathe deep and slow while acting cool. Then a flood of thoughts poured in my head: Where were we supposed to park? Can I get her a wheelchair? Which elevator was it that took us up to delivery? Where was delivery? What do we pack? 


Practice. This is why practice is important. How we perform in the big game, under pressure, when every decision is important is contingent on how well we practice. Especially when Labor Day is two months away.